Live Forever

"Maybe you're the same as me ... We see things they'll never see ... You and I are gonna live forever"

From the age of 13, all through my early teens, the rave scene was an important part of my life ... As lost as I was I found security, comfort, familiarity and enjoyment in the rave scene ... For my early teens it was the one enjoyable constant in my life ...

Last night I attended *Anthem 5 - doing it Free Love ’95 style* for the *early 90's warehouse children* ... It came about in facebook and I thought, why not take a step back in time ... Pensive on arrival, we were stamped, all my hesitations subsiding as soon as I opened the door ... The lasers, the bass, the atmosphere, the old school anthems, the people - It was like I did step back in time; my surroundings familiar and comforting like running into a cherished friend you haven't seen in a long time ... All too familiar the intoxicating feeling so fulfilling you look at the people around you, smiling at each other knowingly ... Of course with the sweet always comes the sour ...

Rebecca and I were best friends ... We were introduced to each other through friends, becoming really close when I was about 15, and remained inseparable until my 20s ... We were both broken, reckless, and self-destructive - we had an unspoken understanding of each other ... our recklessness and lack of self-regard contributing to our constant partying and excessive drug taking; never failing to push past our limits ... this was inevitably going to lead to our demise - we couldn't go on together like that forever ... regardless of whether we wanted to, or not, something had to give ... and it did ...

The dynamic changed ... Where we used to *come down* together as time went on she began isolating herself for long periods of time, her paranoia visibly was taking a hold of her, her behaviour becoming more and more erratic, her reasoning became irrational ... When you play a major part in each others lives you're in each others thoughts constantly ... Unfortunately, as her outlook became negative, so did her thoughts of me ...

I remember the last time I spoke to her ... I rang her after coming home to my Father being in panic stricken state of fear, sorrow and worry ... an after effect from a phone call ... the answering machine recording it all I listened on confused, hurt and angry ... her asking for me, me not being there to take her call, what she then, without reason, said to my Father about me ... I had never fought with her before ... My last words to her making clear to her I no longer wanted to speak to her ... The conviction must have been evident, I never heard from her again ...

I remember the last time I saw her ... Quite a few years later ... I was with Will driving to Warringah Mall ... she was in the passenger's seat of a commodore ute, she looked straight at me ... She was leaning out the window ... Exposing her left hand seemingly purposefully, an engagement ring reflecting the sunlight ...

I was at work when I found out ... Early 2007 ... Finding out about her last moments spent in a hotel room a week ago ... I had seen her 2 days prior, the same day her funeral was held ...

Last night on a few occasions smiling knowingly I'd look around expecting to see her face ...

A moment of enjoyment I was used to sharing with her ...

This morning I said my proper goodbye to Rebecca as the last song that played this morning played for us ...

Nothing is forever ...

A Beautiful Lie

"Everyone's looking at me, I'm running around in circles ... A quiet desperation's building higher, I've got to remember this is just a game ... It's a beautiful lie ... It's a perfect denial"

There is no check list of prerequisites when it comes to when, where and who I bare my soul to ... Most of the time I don't feel my behaviour nor actions need justification ... It is not my problem if someone thinks less of me as a result of their own perception; their ignorance ultimately leading to their loss, I am not here to prove myself to anyone ... My friends know I damaged goods ... Accepting of me ... Knowing how I tick, not needing to know why ... In return I oblige by not getting too deep ...

Segregation happens everywhere, subconsciously or not, I always form a kinship with the *misfits* ... As obvious as a tattoo on their arm, perhaps unnoticeable and misunderstood by most, sixth sense kicks in and I feel drawn to certain people ... maybe seeing a hint of their own void in their eyes, or hearing pain when they speak ... Without invitation you won't push another misfit into telling their story ... Just the knowing that there is a story is more than enough to relate to ...

Starting out to be a seemingly *normal* day at work turned into something much more meaningful ...

This afternoon, sitting at my workstation and up to and through my first break I bared my soul to someone ... Another misfit ... The painful memories that resurfaced a fair trade in for the relief of someone, this someone, seeing me as I really am ... Through the looking glass ...

I didn't feel I had to, nor that I should ...

But ... this person's perception of me does matter ... This is one of those rare occasions I do care ...

I wanted to bare my soul this time ... and I did ...

Baring their soul to me in return ...

Feeling relief when the puzzle was complete ...

Brought closer from showing the bigger picture ...

Magical Mystery Tour

"Roll up and that's an invitation, roll up for the mystery tour ... Roll up to make a reservation, roll up for the mystery tour ... The magical mystery tour is waiting to take you away ... waiting to take you away"

I sometimes can't help but wonder what other people are thinking when they seem to be participating in the same mundane tasks I am ... Taking a cab home ... Waiting in a restaurant for food ... Viewing life from a balcony ... Sitting in traffic ...

After seeing Dark Knight last night, my friend and I came back to my place to chill for a while before proceeding, as planned, to take her home ... Not long prior downing half of a painkiller she had most generously provided the weekend just past, but hadn't come around to devouring it ... until now, of course ...

After having driven with an expired license for almost two months my confidence in being invincible behind the wheel was increased 10-fold when I finally hauled my arse to the local RTA (Roads & Traffic Authority) ...

I'd sampled the same painkillers a couple of years earlier, acquiring them legitimately after a knee reconstruction, so there was no feeling of hesitance prior to, and after, it's consumption ...

After an hour passed since it's demise, and prior to stepping up to my agreement of dropping my friend home, I complained of the lack of effect it had on me ... Unimpressed with the anti-climax, deciding a few Jim Beam's would get the party started (or at least make it more interesting) I decided it a safer and more logical path to take my friend home first so as to continue my solo celebration upon safe return ...

The drive to her place takes around 30 minutes at that time ... Deciding to take the route where it's no street light road, bush either side, for 5 minutes ... I realised, when I switched my lights off when using trial and error in remembering the indicator function, that this little beauty had some kick ... So I floated us to her place in my Cloud 9 vehicle with dual exhausts with a smirk on my face ... Pulling up outside we said our goodbyes ... Existentially mapping my way home ...

With a lack of cars on the road I decided against the daunting Road to Mordor, and opted for the more appealing brighter, friendlier route home ...

Not long after departure it seemed I had befriended a red commodore ute ... Flying around corners, like Monkey and his oh-so loyal and sturdy cloud, this vehicle friend became my marker ... Like the Pied Piper he lead me home ... The glowing tail-lights my beacon of hope, my security blanket, my light at the end of the tunnel ... The hypnotic fix on those red lights my life buoy, keeping me afloat in this fussy, untamed cloud that I seemed to sink deeper and deeper within ...

After encountering, for the first time, another vehicle on my journey I grinned profusely ... Finding amusement in my total and utter enjoyment I was having whilst performing this mundane task ... Was the red commodore floating along Eastern Valley Way on Cloud 9 ? ... Or perhaps whistling in glee the Pied Piper's tune ? ... Or perhaps just cold, tired, wanting to get the fuck home ! ... Maybe he was late home from the lads place after a few beers and he was anticipating the wife's not-so-warm welcome home ... Maybe he was on his way to work as a graveyard shift worker ... Maybe he was a she that liked V8 utes ... Maybe she sneaks the keys from her husband's bedside table every night to drive the V8 ute because he'd never let her any other time ... Perhaps she had taken a trip and was Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, not Monkey Magic at all ...

Sure, from a *normal* outsider's perspective we were just two vehicles getting from A to B ... the driver of one just a little intoxicated ...

But hey, what is *normal* anyhow ? ...

If it involves seeing things in that one dimensional view ... then Please!

Hand me that straight-jacket *stat*! ...

And book me a one way ticket to that little place where the flowers grow ...

I'll be back in an hour ... or so ...

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

"Things that make you go hmmm ... things that make you go hmmm"

Time was only just on my side today making it to work with 5 minutes to spare …

Before “logging in” ADS, my manager, and I had to formalise my 2nd warning for lateness with a signature …

As the Corporate Giant always offer anything they can do to assist in my wellbeing, I took them up on their offer feeling the new rosters erratic shifts could be a factor to my lateness and perhaps part time or change of departments may assist me; considering I’ve never been late so often before even when I was in “worse” condition … ADS discussed it with the CCM … I was quickly declined … A prompt response too I must add … hmmm …

During this time it was made clear that my issue with The Chameleon was unwarranted. In spite of what I thought (or was told) there was no issue there at all; and The Chameleon’s treatment towards me is no different to how they would treat another (…man or woman) … hmmm …

Working with another team this week, so as to steer clear of sourpuss for as long as I can, I only saw my team mates for a few moments … I spoke with lfm who proceeded to tell me they’d discussed the sourpuss issue with a couple of people … then what I thought lfm had originally said to sourpuss that day apparently wasn’t said at all, although they thought it … hmmm …

The Way I Am

"I am whatever I say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am? ... All I can be is just me"

Who really knows you? ... How can you say you really know another?

You can be born and bred in a suburb being more familiar with it than some, but you still haven't gone down every street, lane or cul-de-sac ...

One of my workmate's, since my return from a break, had become fairly hostile towards me ... Being a passive aggressive she made her own assumptions, going to work everyday thinking there was an issue, when there was not ... At one point I approached her to see if she was ok, to learn a bit of her view, only to think we had reached an understanding about our misunderstanding ...

This passed, and most currently another week of stress at work had passed, leaving me emotionally drained and vacant ... After two days of defending myself against their accusations, their pointed finger directed at me, I crashed ... Functionality ebbed away, and I was somewhat catatonic from the aftermath, which took recovery time ...

In my workplace integrity is one of the values they regard with utmost importance ... My integrity was questioned at a recent formal warning for lateness ... My values were also questioned; including my lack of regard for the team and other team members etc.

On hearing this I started to bubble under the surface ... As I was receiving the 3rd degree for, according to them, not having these "values" feeling resurfaced, I had swept these feelings aside so as to not cause any further "upset" at work ... Knowing my workmate was more than guilty ... Like a sour grape, or poisonous flower ... Both differing alot from how they present themselves as opposed as to what they really are ...

The workmate, "sourpuss", stamps their feet to get their own way and always avoids confrontation by behaving in a passive aggressive manner ... some examples including the nuances towards their dislike in my social life (or perception of it), snide comments made quietly enough so to leave a person questioning whether it was said or not, addressing people in a condescending manner, making others feel small ... the list goes on ... Having my own burdens I became used to dealing with the sourpuss everyday, as had everyone else ... So began the ritual: walking on eggshells, no red flags, no flashing lights ...

One day a team meeting was held, myself being absent ... I learned that I had been brought up in this meeting ... This was discussed and put aside and work continued as normal, although I noticed one of my closer workmates, lfm, seemed bothered by something ... I was upset when I found out the issue was ignited by sourpuss' actions ... the barrage of slander against me from sourpuss in my absence was questioned by the noble lfm; only to then become the receiver of the "talking to" sourpuss was well known of, demeaning, belittling, conscending, downright fucking mean ... To behave like this towards me was one thing, but to bring someone else into the issue was completely unfair ... I'm angry and upset about the whole thing ... sourpuss is an awful person; now because of their issue with me sourpuss' issue has targeted lfm: an innocent party, completely undeserved ... The fact they're a genuinely kind person who is honourable, loyal and honest makes the urge to inflict pain even stronger ... I have avoided even attending work since but cannot avoid it any longer... Hoping my retaliation will happen in defence, not waged as an attack ...

To speak badly about me is low ... but to speak badly about someone I care about ...

Fuck walking on eggshells ...

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

"As I walk this land of broken dreams, I have visions of many things ... But happiness is just an illusion ... Filled with sadness and confusion"

Tears in melody ... Loss in lyric ... Longing in tune ... Sorrow in rhyme ... Regret in a harmony ...

A moment tattooed in history ... An emotion marked in stone ... A common bond ... Insight ... Reflection ... Confrontation ... Warmth ... Acceptance ... Expression ... Apathy ... Guilt ... Empathy ... Hope ... Grief ... Loss ... Belief ... Anger ... Shame ... Sorrow ...

Music an extension of me ...

My life in a playlist ...

*Most Played* ... insight to my emotions and experiences ...

*Recently Added* ... the unknown that awaits me ...

Monsters

"I couldn't get with the program, and I couldn't listen to them, it was like trying to think in reverse ... and I don't want to slide into apathy, and I don't want to die in captivity ... But these Monsters follow me around, hunting me down, try to wipe me out"

An event or incident may be perceived to be trivial ... How can someone make judgement on what is, and isn't, a trivial event, and the determine how it may effect someone? ... Every situation is perceived differently by each person ... Whether seen as negative, positive or indifferent lies in the eye of the beholder ...

How one reaches a *breaking point* can vary ... One incident ... A complete lack of events ... A repeat of unfortunate events ... A multitude of moments snowballing out of control until you're faced with a much larger issue ...

When it comes to the path I travel the journey is mountainous and rocky ... Although at times the path appears smoother, the road ahead seems clearer, and I don't find the need to approach with so much caution ... My defences ease a little ... The feeling of impending turmoil ebbs ...

This is when it all goes wrong ... Like a sudden movement in the shadows, a threat once thought to be rid of, unawares it pounces upon me without warning ... Defences down ... Vulnerable ... Weak ... Uncertainty, panic, fear, confusion and emptiness engulfs me ...

Like a tornado that strikes, effortlessly forcing everything into turmoil ... Approaching quickly with little time to prepare ... Moving through so fast the damage done unknown ... Then silence ... Isolation ... The *calm* after the storm ... Immeasurable destruction, the scattered debris, a constant reminder of it's haunting presence and power ...

Most unnerving the unpredictability ... Not knowing when the tornado will strike again ... No ability to stop it occurring again ... My only defence must be built from experience ... Becoming familiar with the signs ... Acknowledging that change in the wind ... Aware of higher risk areas; sheltering myself in safer surroundings ...

I can only cushion my landing ...

Not stop the fall completely ...

Three Small Words

"It took 6 whole hours, 5 long days, for all your lies to come undone ... and those 3 small words, were way too late ...."

Who's a Rock Star ?? ...

You are ...

See The Sun

"I see the sun risin' ... but all you do is see it fall"

Had it with the contrast, such a difference of view ...

Can you have it all through rose coloured shades? ...

I wouldn't say no ...

A flavour of experience ...

Life through unbiased eyes ...

Just one taste ...

Got You On My Radar

"You're the pilot, I'm the man ... calling all the shots, I'm the head of flight command"

After 3 hours of discussion here I am sitting in front of my computer at my work station in the Corporate Mirage where we have a voice, our opinion matters and are all treated equally …

The *discussion* today … no more than a perfectly rehearsed smoke screen …

With justice served and the outcome in my favour why do I not feel victorious? Why am I not doing victory laps screaming “In your face! In your face!” … Because I’m fucked off that it came about in the first place … Days spent in stress and loss of sleep trying to make sense of this bullshit … Put in a situation that I did not deserve to be in …

Apt in saying The Chameleon’s gleeful look was brought about prematurely … Wishing for a Kodak moment of his look of disappointment when he finds out he didn’t win this round … Not so I can bask in his malcontent gaining some sort of sick satisfaction from it … That’s his sadistic road to fulfilment … I’d like to think if he saw himself in this way he may actually stop to reflect on his own immaturity and stupidity … Ha! Who am I kidding? …

Also disappointed ADS would sink to playing the role of pawn to The Chameleon …

This, to me, is not a win … Simply the kharmic tide flowing the way it should …

The Power Of Equality

"a media cheat, you menace me, the people you said cause all the crime ... wake up motherfucker and smell the slime"

Everyone has their own way of doing something, or how they think it should be done ...

Like tasting a new food, you will either find it appealing, or not ... If you're a food critic? Then regardless of whether you find a certain food appealing you need to be able to rate it with an unbiased tongue ... How can you rate something when you have no idea on how this food should be at it's best or worst? ... This you learn from someone ... Therein lies the problem ... With no knowledge of what bars to set to achieve the rating ... Without the experience, nor comparisons, so as to have formed your personal opinion you piggy back someone else's, applying your teacher's opinion ... Under experienced to determine whether your teacher was ill equipped, or not ...

This leads me to the infamous climb of the *Corporate Ladder*, the selection process not unlike Big Brother, based more on appeal than skill ... Unfortunately for some pursuing a career in the corporate world experience, knowledge and skill base can become irrelevant, overridden by preference for someone that may *appear* suitable ... You can be an average looking person with an amazing voice, yet the majority will flock to see Britney lip sync ... Doing a makeover of your appearance does not change who you are; only how others perceive you ...

My workplace is what you'd call a *Corporate Giant* ... Structure, procedure, incentive, reward; all put into place to aid in the best *performance* of how the business operates on a day to day basis, attempting to regulate the chaos ... Of course not everything is black and white when dealing with so many different personalities ... When, who and why management enforce these rules upon an employee becomes personal. Overlooking one employee entirely, only to focus on and target another ... Unfair? Of course! ... Some people given a little *power* only to see a God in their reflection ... What a fucking cock-up!

There is a manager in my workplace, let's call them The Chameleon, who full-stop dislikes me ... An opinionated girl who doesn't hesitate to voice her opinion; outspoken when she feels she, or others are, being wronged; I'm his worst nightmare ... He'll choose to ignore the unethical practices of some but step over the line between enforcer and victimiser when it comes to others ... As observed by many, not just me, my name is at the top of his hit list ... The Chameleon has been lucky to have been given the benefit of the doubt on numerous occasions in spite of them having tainted their own track record ... A hypocritical narcissist; continually changing the rules to suit him ... For the betterment of the company? He'll make it appear this way but Fuck No! Only for the betterment of himself ... The Chameleon is shady, when you're shady yourself you see others in the same shade ... The Chameleon used to be my manager ...

How they attained the position? Who knows. It's safe to say it wasn't based on his skill or ability ... To my relief, sick of the constant defence needed against his vendetta, our team is appointed a different manager, ADS ... Well liked, enthusiastic ... All the qualities they look for in a new Manager ... Who do they choose to mentor this person? The Chameleon! Who at this stage had created such a facade to the new Big Boss ... Dancing his way to pretence with smoke and lights ...

After being off with the flu I found it odd for ADS to phone me asking for my Doctors certificates to be faxed ... After discovering The Chameleon was picked for *acting* role whilst Big Boss was away, the reason prompting the fax request ADS asked of me came clear ... *Newman!* ... Admittedly I have had alot of leave, and been late quite alot; so much so I had received a 1st *formal warning* ... Abiding, ADS advised in July lateness (not including unforeseen circumstance) would not be tolerated and lead to a 2nd *formal warning* ... Late in the week, still at home sick, I received a forewarning from *someone* who, annoyed and frankly sick of being first witness to my victimisation, overheard The Chameleon give two different sets of resolution advice sought by two juniors regarding the same issue they were each experiencing - the defining factor to change the outcome being me ... The hunt was on ...

Pensive in my return to work, I slip back into routine, providing ADS with the certificates hoped to be non-existent ... On cue The Chameleon set into action *Plan B* ...

The arrival of *Plan B*'s blueprint in my inbox was almost laughable ... Sent to me in error the *discussion* yet to happen was sitting here in front of me in form of an attachment in MS Word format ... 3 occasions of lateness (even though excused previously by ADS due to unforeseen circumstance) being their *excuse* I mean reason for the need for the 2nd warning ... Sour with injustice, with fate's MS Word attachment in tow, I build my defence, researching the dates in question ...

Realisation I was recipient to the efforts The Chameleon set out, a flustered ADS approached me and asking me to keep it quiet ... *please do not forward it, delete it, do not bring it up* in the very *meeting* the email had predicted ... I oblige ... As *Plan B* faced this unexpected hiccup, like rats scurrying when interrupted during a feast, boy did they scurry ... Team meeting cancelled ... Do not get up ... *Do not pass go, Do not collect $200* ...

Anticipating my preordained *fate* ADS sends me to a *meeting* room ... The Chameleon opting out of being witness, sending his GF in his place ... To my surprise new incidences were pulled from the archives, as well as a separate incident altogether ... My argument in defence of the occasions of lateness being ADS had already excused me for them at the time said they would not regard them; a plus I had not been late since ... A minus in breaching my (not signed) *agreement* to notify them by phone call of illness and inability to attend, instead SMS-ing the evening prior, with no *evidence* (due my phone's minimal memory requiring continual clearance of folders) ... Back to square one ... The outcome dependant on Big Boss - based on feedback provided, or lack thereof ...

My request to get water and have a time-out refused, proceeded by water brought to me ... Knowingly, passing co-workers assume my predicament, all too familiar with the Corporate Punishment; a formula including a barrage of excerpts from their *policy*, the documented breach of this policy, the *personal* values recited (treat people with fairness and equality - Ha! ... but this is about me), the offer to hear (hear I said, not document nor consider) the other side of the story, then the shame of solitude in the *display* room ...

In quiet the mind can go through seemingly never-ending thoughts and recollection of memory ... My attempts to call ADS for further discussion rang out to voicemail ... Ignoring my instruction to "not leave the room", after specifics came to mind, I approached enemy lines seeking a private discussion with ADS ... Noticeable the look of glee from premature victory on The Chameleon's face ...

ADS and I have a our discussion ... Interrupted once, GF attempts to be *witness* declined ... I try to make sense of ADS' reason mentioning our personal discussions and his empathetic assurance to disregard certain incidents ... Not arguing complete innocence, grateful of his flexibilty to date, requesting only that Big Boss be brought to the attention that I had not been late since the dates that were *written off* ... Assuring this would be passed on ADS allows me to go for a cigarette with my return set for 17:05 ...

At 17:00 my phone rings ... It's ADS ... Am I late? ... No, he's coming down for a chat ...

I am "too angry" and am asked to go home ... ADS formally apologises for how I was forewarned of the *meeting*, referring to the conversation *someone* overheard between ADS and The Chameleon ... Asked who *someone* is, I decline ... Reason for my *meeting* changing, now only being with regards to my notification for lack of attendance made by SMS not phone call ... The rest of the day off to think, "the company will pay for it" ... Said *meeting* adjourned until the following day ...

And here, at home, I wait in thought ...

Anxiously anticipating *another day in the office* ...

Markers set, excavations commence ... The Chameleon eager in his quest for dirt, ironic he's covered in his own ...

The noise of scurrying giving me a damn headache!

Crash Into Me

"when you crash into me, I come into you"

Crash into me ...

Anytime ...

Little Sister

"Hey sister why you all alone?
I'm standing out your window
Hey little sister, can I come inside, dear?
Little sister can't you find another way
No more livin' life behind a shadow"

When you are so caught up in your own chaos of thought it is easy to miss things that are happening beyond your own walls ... Preoccupied in tidying my own mess ... Fearing I missed her cry for help ...

Total confusion ... lights ... noise ... clouding your ability to make sense of your surroundings ... strobes engulfing your rationality ... trying to separate your mayhem ... hard to differentiate between your own noise ... and the flashing lights that belong to another ...

Her lights were flashing ... My friend's ... SOS ... Like me her chosen method of coping being to take it all upon her shoulders until the load is so heavy she cannot carry it any longer ... she'll lock herself away until she thinks she's regained enough strength to continue, alone, carrying that heavy load ...

She sent me a text message ... I respond, respecting her terms of communication, not pushing the boundaries ... happy that she's turned to me ... relieved she finds solace in my words ...

When you regress sometimes just a mere beep from your mobile is enough to know you're still alive ... That small beep can go a long way ... Empathy ... Understanding ... Acknowledgment ... Gratitude ... Admiration ... Reinforcement ...

Seemingly knowing of her process I let her breathe ... I wait for her to break out of her cocoon ... Still I wait ...

Time is ticking and she still hides in the shadows ...

Should I have taken more action? ... Do I stay idle while she continues to breathe? ... Is this breath doing more harm than good? ... Have I waited too long and lost my place as her confidant? ...

I will continue to hold out my hand ... Let her know I am here ... Willing to share her load ...

Empathising ... Acknowledging ... Reinforcing ... Grateful ... Admiring ... of her ... for her ...

I am here ...

Quicksand

"I'm sinkin' in the quicksand of my thoughts, and I ain't got the power anymore ... Don't believe in yourself, don't deceive with belief ... Knowledge comes with deaths release"

Curiosity can affect different people in a variety of ways ... It's one of the many personality traits human beings are predisposed to ... It can lead some into self discovery ... On the opposite end of the spectrum leading some to insanity ...

If curiosity killed the cat then all I can say is *meow* ...

I have always been a curious person ... I don't know whether it's the problem solving type of thought process I have that makes curiosity a precursor ... Wanting to know the inner workings of something ... how it was put together ... the reason it was put together ... what was felt when putting it together ... Knowing that something functions not being enough ... Questioning why a certain process is adhered to ... When it comes time to apply myself, approach a situation, form an opinion, I hope for a deeper understanding of it ...

"A car full of people goes from A to B in 5 minutes" ... Tell this to me in a story and, not consciously, I ask for more detail so the picture I have envisaged in my mind becomes more detailed ... *What type of car?* ... *Where are they going?* ... *Where are they leaving?* ...

When I meet people I don't like to base much on assumption ... Why assume when you can ask and know? ... Perhaps my thirst of knowledge is what drives this *curiosity* ...

People take my curiosity differently; even more so if they don't know me ... Whereas some see it as blunt or nosy , others may see it as confident or enthusiastic ...

I have put alot of people under the "inquisition" ... Not intentionally, not out of spite nor jealousy ... I could be ordering food at McDonald's and have my curiosity sparked by a tattoo on the hand of the person serving ... a personal photo a taxi driver has displayed in his cab ... a requested song ... a spoken quote ...

I was lucky enough to play host to a couple of members from one of my favourite bands ... we sat around and talked for hours ... the conversation including how some of their upcoming release songs were laid out, their feelings on those songs ... discussing the different perspectives we had in how we all listened to music ... how we listened to their bands music ... fans ... performing ... It was fascinating and fulfilling getting a glance from their take on things ...

To gain insight into how something or someone *is* in return giving deeper meaning and allowing greater understanding ... A multitude of doors open to new experience and emotion ...

A different way of listening ... Seeing from an alternate view, in another light ... An emotion prompted by a scent ... Feeling something written, not just reading it ...

Yes, more ways of how to see can bring about confusion ... Like Yin & Yang co-exist ... Everything has balance to some degree, regardless of whether the scales teeter on the edge of one side's favour, or not ... The sweet never being as sweet without the sour ...

Uncovering meaning ... pursuit in finding answers ... understanding one's reason ...

The fulfillment ... The satisfaction ... The disappointment ... The deceit ...

The quicksand of my thoughts ...