Time

"is on my side ... yes it is"

Or so I thought ...

Yes, it's after 5am ... Alas, here I am sitting in front of the computer writing my blog ...

I can hear the daily grind ... it's imminence is leaking through my curtains ... the birds are singing it's anthem ... the cars are purring with enthusiasm ... the pipes in the building are vibrating in anticipation ...

Is this it? Is this life? Peak hour traffic ... taking your place ... falling into line ... soldiering on with your fellow ants ... Yes Sir, No Sir, 3 bags full Sir!

People say I'm a dreamer ... perhaps ... although no imagination is required when you find how easy it is to yearn for more ... because what we do and why we do it is nothing but monotonous torture ...

Yes, there are the lucky few that find something they love doing, and happen to be good at it ... If only ...

I hate being in the Matrix ... sure, ignorance is bliss ... but my ignorance subsided too many moons ago ... Reality's ugly head has always been thrust upon me ... and I can't help but think *what if this is it?* *what if there is no deeper meaning to existence* ?

If you've spent your whole life in blinkers then what lies beyond those blinkers has no relevance because your whole world, what you've known of it - and what you will most likely ever know of it, resides within those walls.

If you've spent your life seeing, hearing, feeling, losing, breaking ... there's no turning back from that. There's no putting on your blinkers and trotting off into the sunset.

I should be fast asleep ... Rejuvenating my mind and body so I can start my 12noon workday feeling good ...

My boss and I had another sit down today ... after being warned already for my persistent lateness I still managed to be late five times since ... I see this as an improvement ... 5 times in a month as opposed to 5 times a week - what a feat! But unfortunately that point of view is not reciprocated by Corporate Management ... thus leading me, inevitably, to an onset of insomnia ... Stress does not = a good night's sleep ...

I am not just late for work ... I am late to everything ... to the exclusive Vines gig that myself and a handful of others won tickets for ... for Elton John ... for weddings ... birthdays ... housewarmings ... Christmas lunch ... You name it, I attended late ... I have never made it to my own parties on time ... ever.

I really thought my efforts would be noticed - but it was my lack thereof that was questioned.

Boss asks me "If you owned a company would you prefer to keep in your staff the high performer who is tardy, or the average performer who was consistent with their punctuality" ... Answering quickly I picked the high performer ... This is in no way a comparison of skills (for fucks sake I help people who can't switch on their TVs) but if you think long and hard all the biggest talents have traits (some would prefer the use of the word *flaws*) that don't fall into the "right" way of doing things ... "What a wasted talent" ... "All that potential" ... if I had a dollar for each time someone has scoffed that at me i'd be fuckin' rich and wouldn't be working for the man!

Ah, the vicious cycle that is life ...

The wheel that keeps on turning ...

No wonder I keep on driving over nails, speeding towards speed humps, slowing over the tracks, running red lights and stopping on green ...

If the wheel doesn't stop turning every now and then, how would one even know they're alive?